Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
