I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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