Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
