On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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