I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
