ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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