Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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