she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
