where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I will pee on everything he values.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
