it was like his penis was on wheels.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
