And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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