I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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