Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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