im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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