Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
