i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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