Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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