Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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