Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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