I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
