The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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