I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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