he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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