just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
