that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
