____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
