Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
