Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So much rum. So many feels.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
