it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
