people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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