Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
