We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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