Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
