I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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