First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
