I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
