Someone shit on the floor
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
