Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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