$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
