this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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