my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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