I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
