hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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