I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
