Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
