Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
