Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
