He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
