did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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