malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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