Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
