Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
