I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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