Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
