no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
