nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
