Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.

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(315): View more from New York

i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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(607): View more from New York

I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.

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(410): View more from Maryland

this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza

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(913): View more from Kansas

I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.

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