I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
