Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Houston, we have a blender
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
