so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
