turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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