the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
