I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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