I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
