it's not cheating when I paid for it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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