Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the liver wants what the liver wants
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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