sarcasm needs its own font
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
