You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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